I've not blogged for five months having fallen off the social media wagon, or at least tried to a few times.  I deleted my primary google+ account which accidentally included my previous blog, YouTube & android functionality; a freak moment of defiance before the full catalogue of destruction gradually revealed itself! 

Fact remains, Google owns me.

Facebook escapism seems increasingly enticing the greater the demands of real-life.  I fool myself into thinking it's only a part-time spectator's sport however my (google) search history begs to differ.  My two principal objectives in recent years seem to have been to ‘cull all distractions’ and ‘re-assess life’s priorities’… in which case blogging probably isn’t my most considered strategy, however I’m willing to trial it as a sort of social-networking-methadone and to externalise the thought processes that my inner consciousness might otherwise blow out of proportion; an extended status-update which is not intended for the purpose of social accolade or popularity.  I killed Facebook this weekend.  It's a justifiable trade.

I’ve decided not to re-upload any previous blogs as I’ll no doubt talk about Africa in the general course of events rather than to dedicate a specific chapter on it.  I'll simply start by confirming what a tremendously humbling experience it was.  I returned to the UK with an overwhelming sense of how much opportunity we take for granted and how very privileged, as a nation, we are.  I made a conscious decision to embrace the VERY next opportunity that presented itself, which in hindsight was hasty and ambitious compulsion. 

This week I received a second knock-back having spent several weeks hanging all my hopes on an opportunity I realistically was not ready for.   It’s been a pretty miserable week of mulling over manifestations of self-doubt but has ultimately shed a little more perspective on my ideals about opportunity.  Through defiant expectation I’ve not only managed to disregarded ALL question of motive, but have also neglected to fully appreciate the enormously happy & fulfilled life I already enjoy. 

I do typically spend a large percentage of my time consciously wrapped up in undertakings of personal or social development whilst tormenting myself with ways in which I haven’t yet quite achieved the quantifiable measures of success that others might expect of me, Facebook being the obvious provider of comparative circumstances (and ironically also my preferred method of procrastination!).  I’m painfully aware that I occupy a self-deprecating default mindset which helps fuel a great many personal anxieties but moreover promotes a greater understanding humility.  It's a justifiable trade.

A text I received from my Mum this week read ‘Life in the slow lane is really quite nice you know - you should give it a whirl sometime.’ And perhaps she’s right, perhaps I am already exactly where I need to be right now.